KILMARNOCK wabsters, fidge anâ€™ claw, Anâ€™ pour your creeshie nations; Anâ€™ ye wha leather rax anâ€™ draw, Of aâ€™ denominations; Swith to the Ligh Kirk, ane anâ€™ aâ€™ Anâ€™ there tak up your stations; Then aff to Begbieâ€™s in a raw, Anâ€™ pour divine libations For joy this day.
Curst Common-sense, that imp oâ€™ hell, Cam in wiâ€™ Maggie Lauder; 1 But Oliphant 2 aft made her yell, Anâ€™ Russell 3 sair miscaâ€™d her: This day Mackinlay 4 taks the flail, Anâ€™ heâ€™s the boy will blaud her! Heâ€™ll clap a shangan on her tail, Anâ€™ set the bairns to daud her Wiâ€™ dirt this day.
Mak haste anâ€™ turn King David owre, And lilt wiâ€™ holy clangor; Oâ€™ double verse come gie us four, Anâ€™ skirl up the Bangor: This day the kirk kicks up a stoure; Nae mair the knaves shall wrang her, For Heresy is in her powâ€™r, And gloriously sheâ€™ll whang her Wiâ€™ pith this day.
Come, let a proper text be read, Anâ€™ touch it aff wiâ€™ vigour, How graceless Ham 5 leugh at his dad, Which made Canaan a nigger; Or Phineas 6 drove the murdering blade, Wiâ€™ whore-abhorring rigour; Or Zipporah, 7 the scauldin jad, Was like a bluidy tiger Iâ€™ thâ€™ inn that day.
There, try his mettle on the creed, Anâ€™ bind him down wiâ€™ caution, That stipend is a carnal weed He taks by for the fashion; And gie him oâ€™er the flock, to feed, And punish each transgression; Especial, rams that cross the breed, Gie them sufficient threshin; Spare them nae day.
Now, auld Kilmarnock, cock thy tail, Anâ€™ toss thy horns fuâ€™ canty; Nae mair thouâ€™lt rowt out-owre the dale, Because thy pastureâ€™s scanty; For lapfuâ€™s large oâ€™ gospel kail Shall fill thy crib in plenty, Anâ€™ runts oâ€™ grace the pick anâ€™ wale, No giâ€™en by way oâ€™ dainty, But ilka day.
Nae mair by Babelâ€™s streams weâ€™ll weep, To think upon our Zion; And hing our fiddles up to sleep, Like baby-clouts a-dryin! Come, screw the pegs wiâ€™ tunefuâ€™ cheep, And oâ€™er the thairms be tryin; Oh, rare to see our elbucks wheep, And aâ€™ like lamb-tails flyin Fuâ€™ fast this day.
Lang, Patronage, with rod oâ€™ airn, Has shorâ€™d the Kirkâ€™s undoin; As lately Fenwick, sair forfairn, Has proven to its ruin: 8 Our patron, honest man! Glencairn, He saw mischief was brewin; Anâ€™ like a godly, elect bairn, Heâ€™s waled us out a true ane, And sound, this day.
Now Robertson 9 harangue nae mair, But steek your gab for ever; Or try the wicked town of Ayr, For there theyâ€™ll think you clever; Or, nae reflection on your lear, Ye may commence a shaver; Or to the Netherton 10 repair, Anâ€™ turn a carpet weaver Aff-hand this day.
Muâ€™trie 11 and you were just a match, We never had sic twa drones; Auld Hornie did the Laigh Kirk watch, Just like a winkin baudrons, And aye he catchâ€™d the tither wretch, To fry them in his caudrons; But now his Honour maun detach, Wiâ€™ aâ€™ his brimstone squadrons, Fast, fast this day.
See, see auld Orthodoxyâ€™s faes Sheâ€™s swingein throâ€™ the city! Hark, how the nine-tailâ€™d cat she plays! I vow itâ€™s unco pretty: There, Learning, with his Greekish face, Grunts out some Latin ditty; And Common-sense is gaun, she says, To mak to Jamie Beattie Her plaint this day.
But thereâ€™s Morality himselâ€™, Embracing all opinions; Hear, how he gies the tither yell, Between his twa companions! See, how she peels the skin anâ€™ fell, As ane were peelin onions! Now there, theyâ€™re packed aff to hell, Anâ€™ banishâ€™d our dominions, Henceforth this day.
O happy day! rejoice, rejoice! Come bouse about the porter! Moralityâ€™s demure decoys Shall here nae mair find quarter: Mackinlay, Russell, are the boys That heresy can torture; Theyâ€™ll gie her on a rape a hoyse, And cowe her measure shorter By thâ€™ head some day.
Come, bring the tither mutchkin in, And hereâ€™sâ€”for a conclusionâ€” To evâ€™ry New Light 12 motherâ€™s son, From this time forth, Confusion! If mair they deave us wiâ€™ their din, Or Patronage intrusion, Weâ€™ll light a spunk, and evâ€™ry skin, Weâ€™ll rin them aff in fusion Like oil, some day.
Note 1. Alluding to a scoffing ballad which was made on the admission of the late reverend and worthy Mr. Lihdsay to the â€œLaigh Kirk.â€â€”R. B. [back] Note 2. Rev. James Oliphant, minister of Chapel of Ease, Kilmarnock. [back] Note 3. Rev. John Russell of Kilmarnock. [back] Note 4. Rev. James Mackinlay. [back] Note 5. Genesis ix. 22.â€”R. B. [back] Note 6. Numbers xxv. 8.â€”R. B. [back] Note 7. Exodus iv. 52.â€”R. B. [back] Note 8. Rev. Wm. Boyd, pastor of Fenwick. [back] Note 9. Rev. John Robertson. [back] Note 10. A district of Kilmarnock. [back] Note 11. The Rev. John Multrie, a â€œModerate,â€ whom Mackinlay succeeded. [back] Note 12. â€œNew Lightâ€ is a cant phrase in the west of Scotland for those religious opinions which Dr. Taylor of Norwich has so strenuously defended.â€”R. B. [back]