I'd hate to be centipede (of legs I've only two), For if new trousers I should need (as oftentimes I do), The bill would come to such a lot 'twould tax an Astorbilt, Or else I'd have to turn a Scot and caper in a kilt.
I'm jolly glad I haven't got a neck like a giraffe. I'd want to tie it in a knot and shorten it by half. or, as I wear my collars high, how laundry men would gloat! And what a lot of beer I'd buy to lubricate my throat!
I'd hate to be a goldfish, snooping round a crystal globe, A naughty little bold fish, that distains chemise of robe. The public stare I couldn't bear, if naked as a stone, And when my toilet I prepare, I'd rather be alone.
I'd hate to be an animal, an insect or a fish. To be the least like bird or beast I've not the slightest wish. It's best I find to be resigned, and stick to Nature's plan: Content am I to live and die, just - Ordinary MAN.