I never killed a bear because I always thought them critters was So kindo' cute; Though round my shack they often came, I'd raise my rifle and take aim, But couldn't shoot. Yet there was one full six-feet tall Who came each night and gobbled all The grub in sight; On my pet garden truck he'd feast, Until I thought I must at least Give him a fight.
I put some corn mush in a pan; He lapped it swiftly down and ran With bruin glee; A second day I did the same, Again with eagerness he came To gulp and flee. The third day I mixed up a cross Of mustard and tobasco sauce, And ginger too, Well spiced with pepper of cayenne, Topped it with treacled mush, and then Set out the brew.
He was a huge and husky chap; I saw him shamble to the trap, The dawn was dim. He squatted down on his behind, And through the cheese-cloth window-blind I peeked at him. I never saw a bear so glad; A look of joy seraphic had His visage brown; He slavered, and without suspish- - Ion hugged that horrid dish, And swilled it down.
Just for a moment he was still, Then he erupted loud and shrill With frantic yell; The picket fence he tried to vault; He turned a double somersault, And ran like hell. I saw him leap into the lake, As if a thirst of fire to slake, And thrash up foam; And then he sped along the shore, And beat his breast with raucous roar, And made for home.
I guess he told the folks back there My homestead was taboo for bear For since that day, Although my pumpkins star the ground, No other bear has come around, Nor trace of bruin have I found, - Well, let me pray!