There were two little skeezucks who lived in the isle Of Boo in a southern sea; They clambered and rollicked in heathenish style In the boughs of their cocoanut tree. They didn't fret much about clothing and such And they recked not a whit of the ills That sometimes accrue From having to do With tailor and laundry bills.
The two little skeezucks once heard of a Fair Far off from their native isle, And they asked of King Fan if they mightn't go there To take in the sights for awhile. Now old King Fan Was a good-natured man (As good-natured monarchs go), And howbeit he swore that all Fairs were a bore, He hadn't the heart to say "No."
So the two little skeezucks sailed off to the Fair In a great big gum canoe, And I fancy they had a good time there, For they tarried a year or two. And old King Fan at last began To reckon they'd come to grief, When glory! one day They sailed into the bay To the tune of "Hail to the Chief!"
The two little skeezucks fell down on the sand, Embracing his majesty's toes, Till his majesty graciously bade them stand And salute him nose to nose. And then quoth he: "Divulge unto me What happenings have hapt to you; And how did they dare to indulge in a Fair So far from the island of Boo?"
The two little skeezucks assured their king That what he surmised was true; That the Fair would have been a different thing Had it only been held in Boo! "The folk over there in no wise compare With the folk of the southern seas; Why, they comb out their heads And they sleep in beds Instead of in caverns and trees!"
The two little skeezucks went on to say That children (so far as they knew) Had a much harder time in that land far away Than here in the island of Boo! They have to wear clo'es Which (as every one knows) Are irksome to primitive laddies, While, with forks and with spoons, they're denied the sweet boons That accrue from free use of one's paddies!
"And now that you're speaking of things to eat," Interrupted the monarch of Boo, "We beg to inquire if you happened to meet With a nice missionary or two?" "No, that we did not; in that curious spot Where were gathered the fruits of the earth, Of that special kind Which Your Nibs has in mind There appeared a deplorable dearth!"
Then loud laughed that monarch in heathenish mirth And loud laughed his courtiers, too, And they cried: "There is elsewhere no land upon earth So good as our island of Boo!" And the skeezucks, tho' glad Of the journey they'd had, Climbed up in their cocoanut trees, Where they still may be seen with no shirts to keep clean Or trousers that bag at the knees.